Warning: this is not what you think! A little bit gruesome and food for thought.
Mother knows best: Caves are bad for you.
Abel cut through the harness and instantly he felt free; falling towards the unending darkness of the chasm. Given the chance, Abel would have chosen life over death, but today had been filled with extraordinary circumstances; the kind of events one would wish to experience only once in a lifetime, or preferably never.
As he fell words came to mind; spoken in the soft caring tones that all good mothers reserve for their children. Delia, his mother, had reminded Abel not to go prodding around in places where he wasn’t welcome; pretty much anywhere like the pitch black confines of the tunnels he’d insisted on exploring.
Whoa! Time flies when you’re having fun.
To kick off, first let me apologise letting this blog dangle in the wind for so long. That said, I’ve been a pretty busy boy for the last year or so. Let me explain…
A Self-imposed Holiday
I’d been writing on thoughtcafe.co.uk for about a year when I suddenly hit a wall. Traffic levels were steady for quite some time and my stats showed I was getting in the region of about 200+ visitors a day. Everything was looking good; I was even getting regular shares on the social networks without having to advertise the existence of my website – good news!
Desmond couldn’t seem to shake that foreboding feeling.
Oil spills are bad. They have a nasty habit of killing all the happy little fishes, mermaids and sea monkeys that live in the vast oceans. Fortunately, major leaks like Lakeview Gusher of 1910 are rarer than seeing Pope Pious in a break dancing smack down with eminem! Modern safety procedures, like those supposedly followed by BP, have ensured that all but a catastrophic event can be easily contained.
But did you know that the oceans are chock full of an oozing wall of death that’s set to wipe out thousands of animal species? That’s the lethal legacy of the huge number of World War II shipwrecks that are now littering the ocean bed. Continue reading
Seriously, I really could throw them a long way but that doesn’t mean I trust them.
A day doesn’t seem to go by without tales of the political elite wallowing in a shit-filled sty of excess, debauchery and embezzlement. And every night, those weary, downtrodden servants of the public take the long, lonely walk home before closing the door and spending hours
consuming huge quantities of porn, alcohol and drugs doing valuable research at the public’s expense.
To be fair, most of the voting public simply doesn’t give a shit unless their local politician is photographed wearing a ballgag in a compromising position with a Great Dane. But when it comes to have your taxes pillaged to fund lives of filthy, depravity and outright dishonesty then the public gets really pissed as these three corrupt politicians founds out: Continue reading
Disturbing revelations of mother Earth indulging in sordid threesome with the moon brothers has been uncovered by scientists.
“It’s ok baby, everyone’s doing it.”
Until recently, it had been assumed that mother Earth was in a monogamous relationship with the moon. Scientists have now revealed the seemingly lady-like planet may well have been involved in group sex with the moon’s younger brother. Continue reading
Curse my dyslexia!
Spies are awesome. James Bond is the suave, sophisticated hero who sprang from the depths of Ian Fleming’s mind. Not only could he charm the knickers off a nun adhering to a vow of silence but he could kick a hole in your head in the blink of an eye. But what happens when spies go bad? After all, they know every detail of your life: from your regularity to your porn browsing habits.
In fact, come to think of it, do you really care if they’re collecting information about you? Most of the big high street and internet companies have been doing the same thing for years. No, most of society isn’t remotely interested that some anonymous spook knows you’ve been browsing websites full of naked, very mature women and here’s why… Continue reading
Evil criminal only after your money or just a turd?
For most of history’s villains, the power to terrorise and run rampant through the lives of the innocent is simply criminal dick waving. The bigger and more daring the crime, the larger the perpetrator’s wang!
But, in a very few cases, the intent was driven by something more powerful than simply the urge to ream a new hole in the backside of society. Some of the greatest crimes in history were committed by people who were, allegedly, blessed with an IQ that would make the rest of us look like an amoeba.
People like this: Continue reading
“Heart throb, wizard gardener and chemical weapons expert.'”
The genteel art of gardening has long been cited as having numerous health benefits. You burn calories, you mind unburdens itself of the day to day shit that normally fills your life and you can make easy money by concocting deadly toxins for the sole purpose of wiping out your fellow humans. ‘But surely that’s illegal?’ Yeah, sure is but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Want to know which delicate garden flowers will turn you into the Alan Titchmarsh of the weapons industry? Let’s go… Continue reading
I strongly advise that you let her have the last rolo.
Celebrities are pretty good at entertaining us: it’s what they’re paid to do. But when that entertainment comes free of charge it gets even better. Aside from the obvious ‘celeb A shags celeb B, celeb C and his pet hamster’ situation things sometimes get a little more interesting. How? Celebrity feuds. Yeah, in most cases the bitch fest might seem a little contrived but every once in a while things really kick off and a free for all ensues. Cue black eyes, bloody noses and a sprinkling of murder. Just like these… Continue reading
In debt hell you’ll only pay for your financial crimes and sadly not crimes against music.
Ask anyone that owns a payday loan company and they will assure that it’s a perfectly legitimate business model. Ask any Japanese whaler and he’ll tell you that hunting seafaring mammals is a perfectly legitimate business model which has a very tasty outcome. But not for the whale.
Anyhow, in the interests of fair play and giving businessmen their dues for entrepreneurial spirit in times of hardship, it has been agreed that it’s only decent to leave them to their ways. But I’m an evil bastard so – game on!
Ever wondered how you’re so easily hooked by payday loan adverts? If you’re easily led by the thought of going balls deep into debt then you can stop reading now.
If not, here are 5 ways that your mind is being toyed with in order to get you to sign on the dotted line… Continue reading