Why Photoshop Professionals Are The Next Growth Industry

photoshop nerds

Nerds: you’re going to make their future incredibly bright.

Photoshop is a therapists nightmare come true. With one, deft swipe of a mouse, all your insecurities, blemishes and fears will be gone. A computer mouse, that is… rubbing yourself intimately with a small rodent is just wrong (and probably violates any number of laws on the treatment of animals).

But why? How could the simple act of photoshopping have such a massive impact? It’s all about how we see ourselves and our place in society. Yes, times are changing but even the most popular ugly person probably wishes they could easily change some part of their body. Here are 4 simple reasons that will ensure that photoshop pro’s will become the next growth industry to earn some serious coin.

You Want To Look Sexy

sexy black model

You know what sexy is but just to clarify…

In the good old days if you decided that chiselled abs and taught buttocks were your thing then it was time dig out that ‘celebrity fitness’ DVD you got for Christmas and promptly buried under ‘must get around to doing this… eventually’ list. Or maybe you’d hit the gym.

6 months later your bank balance would be considerably lighter but you’d still weigh the same. In fact, you probably took your virtual trainers advice to heart and ate more food to fuel your  inevitable path to Mr. Universe shoulders. Instead, of sporting abs like the Grand Canyon you’ve ended up with a gut the size of Mount Everest (complete with Sherpa camping in your belly button).

photoshop muscle man

Did you really think that Davina could make you look like this in only 6 months?

Photoshop has the answer to your desires. In a fast paced world where everything has to be in front of you now it has the power the transform your bloated body from leviathan into a beacon of sexiness in the blink of an eye. With no effort on your part. It will also cost you less than gym membership.

Why is sex so… sexy? It’s a powerful tool. It does a job. Unless you’re a divine entity or you were fired out of a test tube then there’s a good chance that all your ancestors were banging away like a broken shed door on a very windy night.

In years gone past, sex appeal trumped all else in the evolutionary stakes. If you weren’t fit to survive the rigours of cave life then your family tree terminated with a pretty miserable looking picture of you.

wayne rooney neanderfootballer

Scientists are at a loss to provide a reason why some Neanderthal’s survived.

By photoshopping your body you’ve effectively wiped out millions of years of evolutionary horse trading.

You don’t have to a celebrity who’s rarely seen naked in public i.e. you’re not Prince Harry to benefit. A little digital manipulation goes a long way to enhancing your sex appeal (and, nowadays, is a damned sight cheaper than a trip to a plastic surgeon).

The World Seemingly Revolves Around Youth

kevin the teenager

Once upon a time your parents looked a little like this.

Age creeps up on us fast; really fast. One moment, we’re strong, muscular and ready to change the world. Then next we’re tired and scared of relaxing in case our bladder fails us – again.

The young people of the world seem to have it all: fast moving minds, strong, firm bodies and stamina that keeps on going and going. It’s easy to see why most of us want to be young again.

adult in nappy

There are limits!

Photoshopping away the years is easy. Grey hairs are eradicated with one sweep of the mouse. Fine lines and wrinkles are eradicated with a single right click. The elixir of eternal youth is now well within reach – but only if you have the technical know how. If you failed your exams in computer wizardry you’ll need to pay for the privilege of being an eternal youth.

Why would you want to be forever young? Conventional wisdom suggests we get wiser as we age and it’s fair to say that, bar some uncontrollable drooling through our false teeth, it’s true. But ageing isn’t always a pleasant – how many celebs do you see with bingo wings? How many times did you chuckle over Demi Moore’s less than youthful jaw line? It’s easy to discount until you eventually start to go downhill.

Digital manipulation is your key to being forever young (even if it is only a picture that’s being touched up).

An entire industry has been invented just to keep the signs of age at bay. There are more rejuvenating lotions and potions than there are walt’s pretending to be ex-members of the Parachute Regiment. For a small fee you can join the ranks of the rich and famous who seem to stay 25 years old for a decade!

You’ve Succumbed To Peer Pressure

scanners brain melt

Scientists have proven that intense,tightly focused peer pressure can melt your brain.

You’re independent. You’re strong willed. You don’t bend to the will of the collective. You forge your own way through life in the same way that the ancient glaciers carved out the stunning Norwegian Fjords or the rugged Scottish Highlands.

Then peer pressure grabbed you by the throat and smacked you like a 1950’s midwife slapped a newborn baby’s arse. And some killjoys wanted to ban Tom and Jerry for being violent? Holy crap! The disapproving gaze of your peers can be a little too intimidating for some.

human spine

“Excuse me sir but, in your rush to embrace conformity, I think you may have dropped this…”

Fail to meet the conformity requirements and you’ll become an outcast destined the ride the flotsam and jetsam of life until you wither and die.

Why is peer pressure so powerful? Because we are group animals and only those that brought something to the mix could join the party. Failure to toe the line meant you were doomed to die – alone, cold and hungry. If you’re reading this the chances are that your ancestors were conformists.

Way back in the mists of time, we congregated in large groups. We didn’t do this for the purposes of swinging and sexual gratification. Groups offered protection from animals that would eat us. It gave us the chance to exchange ideas, to build, to invent, to learn how to club all other life into extinction. You get the idea.

Peer pressure is there to benefit the group, not you. If you don’t fit you’re outta here. Likewise, expect to be the target of whispers until you finally have your frail, toothless old granny removed the family portrait.

Looks Equals Money

the elephant man

“I could have made HOW MUCH money?”

Really, in some cases this is so very true. Think of all the beautiful catwalk models such as Kate Moss Helena Christensen. If she had a face like a horse do you really think she’d have been the face of…? NO!

Likewise, how many footballers wives and girlfriends do you see that look like Karl Malden. I can only think of one. It’s a beautiful cycle but it has only one outcome – divorce because your man rather off with a 25 cheer leader after he woke up next to this…

pig in bed

“Darling, tell me you still love me”

Why would anyone debase themselves for money? Ok, I guess that question probably answers itself but let’s look a little deeper. For a start, money attracts beauty and beauty attracts money. But there’s more to it.

Unless you’re living in cave and your diet consists of rabbits, blackberries and grass then you probably need money. The world has gorged itself on a diet of fast cash and high debt levels – if you don’t have it you can’t join the party.

Apparently, some morons will have you believe that money is the root of all evil. But ask yourself this: what alternative could we use as a way of trading goods and services? Stones? That’s been tried and the tribes who used this financial system went bust when they found trying to pay for lunch with a tonne rock ever so slightly impractical.

We could always try the bartering system. Shoes for wheat. Goats for flat screen TV’s! Somehow, ‘goats are the root of all evil’ doesn’t have that same delicious ring to it.

Bottom line: photoshopping a picture of your ugliest goat can make it incredibly attractive to a potential suitor or lover.

3 examples of how we will force the photoshop industry to surge thanks to our vanity and insecurities. Nothing wrong that but remember this: at the end of the day your body still has to stand up to close inspection under the harsh reality of daylight.

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